Monday, October 5, 2009


hey guys. i don't really know what to write about, because well, a lot of my friends are blogging less, and i find it quite unmotivating when i log into blogger and there are no new blogs for me to read. i guess i am just shamelessly following the crowd, kind of sucks to be honest. 

i guess a lot of things are happening in my life right now that have got me second guessing things, loosing closeness, judging every turn, loosing trust. and i guess its not the best feeling in the world. im guessing a lot of things too, its like, i don't know for sure, and well, i suppose im just not 100%. sorry to bring you guys down with me, but i guess, this blog is my way of communicating my feelings, without having to make it a big deal. its like, this is my outsource, it stops me getting overloaded with emotions that i cannot control.

right now, im just all over the place. 

have you ever felt like, well, not that you can't trust anyone, but that you don't have anyone, that you can tell everything too. you might have a few people that you can tell select important things too, you might have one person you tell most things too, but you don't have one person who you can unload all your problems on, and it really brings me down. i think the thing is, you can't have that person, in a group where a lot of things are shared, but behind peoples backs. and you know what i am thinking now? i think i have found someone to tell everything too. and no, im not going to say who, because my friends read this blog. but i know i can really trust them. i know they are patient with me. and i know that even though we are not best friends, whatever i say, whatever they say, we will always have time for each other after school, in the morning, or a quick catch up on the holidays. i know that i can be myself with them fully, because, why would they judge me. its a good feeling knowing that they are there. in the background. and i want them to know, i am there for you. 

now even if its not you, and you are reading this, i want you to know, that i will be there for you too, because, when your down, all you really want, is a hug, and someone to tell you it will be alright. you might want advice later, you might want to be told you are being stupid later on, but right in the middle of it, all you want to be told, is that you are

and you are. you are safe with me. 

(on an equally depressing side note, i also think its all the bad things catching up with me, all the "wrong doings" that i have made happen in my life. they are catching up with me. im like a kite. some weeks, the wind is there, sometimes its not. bear with me, wind changes frequently)

well blog readers, as a collective bunch of ten of you, you have really helped me through everything, just by me knowing that at least some people are reading this. it helped, me writing this, and i hope, in some way or another, the images inspired you. i have to learn to let go of all my lies and cheats through life. i can't turn back time. i have to live with what i have done. i have to move on, to a better me. 

my blog, this is my pathway to my better me. it is my journey, my diary. my way of seeing my emotions. my story.

from my overly emotional bed of emotion, i send you multiple x's and o's

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