Saturday, January 9, 2010

leave?

i have a feeling my words have lost... lost love. no, thats not thats not it, they are full of raw emotion, they are being written for the wrong reasons, they are being written because they need to be, not because they want to be.


 i feel like now they are just there to fill up space, im wondering, do you feel the same? has it finally got too much? 





i will live my dreams again. 


 do i have to take a break? remind myself of the important things? 
but then, what are the important things? to me its just love and happiness, being happy with yourself, because then, then you can know you are being yourself, not some random that has decided to take over your life.


has this blog become fake? has it become a way for me to be someone im not?
oh god. 



i will become fearless once again. 




im going to tell you about myself, the bitch on the outside, the over-anxious heart inside, and everything in the in between. 


i find myself, at times, caring for animals more than humans. 
i hate for no reasons, apart from that some people annoy the fuck out of me.
i swear an unreasonable amount. 
i became a vegetarian on the spur of the moment, and at times regretted it some what, now i am glad i stuck to it. 
and i love how my dad is so lame, once he tried to use a 'ya mum' joke after i explained what it was to him, and then i pointed out he was just insulting his wife. 
i realise now, that i go on about love a lot, but i do because, it is one of my biggest....values, if that makes sense, its one of the things i put above all else. 
i like the music i do, mainly because of my older brothers, i cant help but try and impress them
i am overly violent
words mean the world to me, it makes my emotions feel alive when i write them down, and they inspire, thats what i love, reading something that makes me feel warm inside, and when people comment saying i inspire them, thats unbelievable, literally. 
there are certain friends that i could not bear to loose, ones i can confine in, ones that make me laugh, ones that make me love, ones that make me carefree. i love them all. 
sometimes i feel unworthy. 
i really hate lady gaga. a lot. 
no matter how much i try, i cant help but thinking of life as one big competition. 
at times i really dont like myself, and other times i love life, i find my emotions are everywhere, all the time 
i have low iron, and i never take my iron pills, i feel guilty about that.
i have some problems, but i dont do much to fix them, its a problem of mine, i lack self-control
one of my attributes is my ability to stick by my beliefs, and strongly. 
sometimes, i read something that makes me doubt everything, and so i spend the rest of my life debating about it. 
i call my parents fail every day, and they still know that i love them, thats awesome. 
i am pro-choice for abortion, but i could never bring myself to get one, unless the babies life was in danger, but i support those who get them, its a personal choice.  but not the abortions that happen when the baby is actually beginning to be a human being. thats just bitchy. 
sometimes i act stupid, sometimes i act superior, sometimes im grumpy, sometimes i high. unpredictability is either an attribute or a ... whats the word? well, or a not good thing about me. 
i am going to stop writing about myself, because i am most likely boring you to death. 
i love too much, but i love that i do.
if i think about anyone i love dying, i start crying uncontrollably. 
if my dogs are sick i get unreasonably sad. 
my brothers annoy the crap out of me, but i love them of course, duh. 
i also struggle with my appearance every day. 






















stay with me guys, you're beautiful, i will post again soon, with a real, non-whiney post. also, can anyone think of a girls name that jerry could be a nickname for? 


2 comments:

pearl. said...

As long as your words are written from your heart they will never lose meaning or love.
If you feel you need to take a break do, but only you can decide that.
you say "words mean the world to me, it makes my emotions feel alive when I write them down, and they inspire, that’s what I love, reading something that makes me feel warm inside, and when people comment saying I inspire them, that’s unbelievable, literally." to me that sounds like you love what you do and you write because you love.
We read and enjoy what you write because we can feel your love seeping from between the letters. It’s magical.
Continue for you are great.
Pearl xo

Loz said...

I quite love this post.
You are not worthless!
You inspire me!
:)
xx