Tuesday, July 20, 2010

all was well.

I've been struggling and struggling with myself. 
About how to write about all of this, how to make you all understand. I'm trying in vain to stop myself from going overboard, and I've been typing and selecting and deleting for a while now. But I guess what it was, was this quote: 'Don't take yourself too seriously'. I think I've known for a while that I was getting a bit ridiculous, destroying myself from the inside out.I suddenly realised that I was like Rose in Titanic, standing in the middle of the room, screaming, and yet no one could hear me. And while that may be superficial, and that the people I have come to know through blogspot have honestly been so ridiculously amazing, inspiring, beautiful and a billion other really awesome adjectives, for a while, I just need to not feel so ridiculous, I need to feel warm and fuzzy, I need to smile when I think about Ron&Hermione in Harry Potter. This blog, this page, this chapter of my life, is never going to be deleted, it's part of me. And knowing me, I'll probably be back here in two weeks thinking its been a lifetime. 
The freakin' amazing ass Sabine tagged all her followers for Cassies, and I like the idea of telling you all a little bit more about me before I say my goodbye. The task is: fill in 12 likes, 1 love and 8 hates like Cassie in her therapy video. Below, the bolded things are what you must include. Also, please make sure you link it back to me, to erimentha, and to three other blogs you admire. I tag all of you, its not because I'm being lazy, it's because I think you are all so incredible. 

Abracadabra, Wow!

I like boys with some moral superiority and girls with opinions

I like hugs that make you feel warm and fuzzy

I like being a vegetarian

I like liking him

I like my hair when it's nice to me. 

I like laughing at ridiculous movies, with my ridiculous friends. 

I like inception, even though i haven't seen it yet

I like writing with no capitals, but writing without grammar annoys me

I like irony

I like tom felton

I like it when my dog nudges me

I like going out for lunch

I love harry freakin' potter

Today I was on an emotional roller coaster for no good reason. 

In some ways, I love everything.

Its less, its less of a thing to like, its less distinct, its less particular

I like things that I like but I love everything

There’s more choice in like

Cos even the worst things have things you love in them

I don’t know what you mean about things I hate

I hate how i need to find reasons for my emotions

I hate how im pulling away from blogging for all the wrong reasons

I hate horrible people. 

I hate sensitive teeth

I hate being less than the best.

I hate you but in a way, I can remember why we were friends. 

I hate how I feel the need to take myself so seriously.

I hate denial. 

I hate this, wow. . .sorry.

I sound like a self-aggrandizing idiot. If I use the phrase 'I guess this is goodbye', please, please, unfollow me immediately. Anyway, it's probably not goodbye, I have lousy self-control. This is actually, really, lamely, difficult to do.  I can't make this into an amazing goodbye post, so, I guess it's just, I kind of love you all.

"I would say I'm sorry if I thought that it would change your mind, but I know that this time I've said to much, been to unkind. I try to laugh about it, cover it all up with lies. I try to laugh about it, hiding the tears in my eyes, cause boys don't cry" - The Cure, Boys Don't Cry


sabine cara said...


'all was well.'

love it.

anyway. woaah, so this it, huh? the day we dreaded talking about because it seemed so unreal.

and I know, you're not gone gone, but you're still gone.

i'll miss you.

xx scarzz

Camelgirl said...

I'm trying hard not to feel the same way (do the same thing).
Well, I love you, and I loved your blog, and I hope this isn't really the end, but then I hope it's whatever is best for you.
I'll just sit here hoping.
Thankyou for continually inspiring me.

~Abby~ said...

This is an amazing post. <3
Make yourself heard; Rose did.

viviaan said...

don't leave please.
you're going through something i went through when i deleted my posts before JUNE.
i think i know what you mean, because its really hard to explain and kinda realize no one would understand anyway.

but blogspot isnt about understanding. it's kind of like your personality plastered here - the alter ego from real life.

so on your journey of working out who you are and stuff - collage this page for everyone who cares!

Francesca said...

I'm kind of hoping that your lousy self-control is extrememly terrible. But if it's not, I want you to know how inspirational you've been to me, and the mark you've left on my heart. Thanks.

Erimentha said...

:( we'll miss you.

sanchez said...

So like, I only met my twin *you* like, a few months or so ago (or maybe its been a year) but I guess I'm thinking the same sort of thing,
so don't worry about making this post "the best possible goodbye" because no matter what it always will be.

Because you're just natrually amazing. You've composed words, sentences, paragraphs, even posts about my internal thoughts, that even my own mind couldn't properly comprehend. So if this is goodbye, I don't want it to be. You're fucking amazing.

But I guess I understand.

sanchez said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Erimentha said...

i miss you. :(